It all began when I was at this groovy party .Though I didn’t know too many people there and was a bit skeptical in going in the first place, I was actually in for a pleasant surprise. The place was most vibrant and the party full of life. Ethyl alcohol was flowing freely out of the various strategically positioned bars right into the nervous systems of the gyrating populace. The music was an adequate mix of sophisticated contemporary western and the rather crude, grotesque and slip-disc inducing hindi remix!! After a couple ( maybe more than a couple, who was counting)of concoctions of spirit with various dilutions, I quite inexplicable found myself on the jam packed dance floor doing my own version of a spastic dance with gay abandon to the tune of “kajra re” . I was really getting tipsy and silly and actually having a blast, when suddenly the host appears in front of me and asks ….. “ hey there, are you enjoying yourself
?” “what does it look like to you?”
I countered, still gyrating away.
It was only the next morning when I was nursing a strong hangover and reminiscing about the previous night that to my shock I realized that , that was the only statement I had spoken the whole night at the party!! A stupid answer to a very stupid question. Now that triggered off a thought wave leading to the topic of this blog.
Do we ever really pay attention to most of our day to day conversations, especially the queries that we are usually inundated with? Over the next few days I spent a lot of time carefully analyzing these various queries we ask and answer and realized that a huge percentage of them are completely inconsequential and embarrassingly nonsensical. Here are some classic examples that I have come across.. I have also suggested possible answers matching the intelligence level of the questions …..please feel free to add some more interesting examples of your own…
1.Parking lot at workplace: Every morning, without fail, I always come across someone or the other asking me… "aa gaye??” or “just arrived?”…
Again at the same venue every evening after work hours…. “Going home
?” Or “ So, are you leaving?”
“Hell no… whatever made you think of that. I just enjoy the view here so I stand here every morning and evening watching people rush in and rush out.. Gives me some kinda spiritual release… you should join me and try it sometime.. it really works…
2.At the bus stop:… “ Waiting for the bus??”
or better still “ Going somewhere
“Oh no… you got it all wrong…I actually have developed an interesting hobby of memorizing bus registration numbers. It helps improve my concentration level”.
3.Smoking zone at work: Me standing there with a couple of like-viced buddies with lit cigarettes in our hands and smoke curling out of our mouth or nostrils (personal style statement)….. “ smoking?”
with their eyes rolled up and face twisted in apparent disgust.
“What!!! me smoke?? Never did that .. will never do that. Oh my God.. who stuck this disgusting, smoldering white thingy between my fingers.. and how the hell is smoke coming out of me…another one of those inexplicable things!!”
4.Hostel. You could walk around clad in a towel, carrying a bucket, soap and mug and moving towards the bathrooms…. “ Going for a shower?”
“Does that offend you in any way? If it does, then my apologies”
“It is strange you should also ask me that. . .b’cos three others also asked me the very same thing. Do I really look like I am going for a shower??
5. Hospitals/healthcare: God forbid, if you ever have a fracture/surgery and is laid up in bed with a cast/stitches; you will have a majority of sympathetic visitors ( most of them glad it was you and not them) asking you… “ Does it hurt?”
“What makes you think it does? The cast is actually quite enjoyable. It is like having an exoskeleton. Hopefully you will also get to enjoy these pleasurable moments some day!”
6. Home: After a particularly hard and long day at office when you come back home and just collapse in the living room couch or sofa panting for breath and struggling to keep your eyes open… and your ever concerned spouse…. “Tired darling?” (the “darling” bit or any other words of endearment might not always be there)
This needs to really tackled carefully, here is my suggestion..
If the spouse is wife then….just shut up and nod your head. Leave the wisecracks for someone else. At your own risk you could try saying things like… “yes honey..what I need right now is a stiff drink and maybe a real good massage, and/or….”
If the spouse if husband then… you can say whatever you feel like. The poor fellow with not utter a word, lest he also ends up tired and stressed.” Possible responses .. “you are either blind or a complete dumbhead? I am inclined to think the later… and don’t just stand there and gape at me …make yourself useful" etc etc
7.Any place: Whenever something nice happens to you like a promotion, or an achievement or birth of your first child… the most obvious and the most idiotic query is always … “ so how do you feel?”
“now that you’ve asked me this question, I feel so much better. These things happen to me ever so often that one waits for a thoughtful query like yours.”
8.Any place: As soon as you encounter any familiar face after a trip to the salon, you are bound to be asked…. “ you got a haircut, did you?”
“ well….. er….. actually…. I am suffering from a dreadful disease called Hair-Regress-Syndrome!!! Instead of growing my hair keeps getting shorter and shorter. It is actually a very rare condition.”
Well I could go on and on… there is so many such questions that one faces during the normal course of the day that we tend to take them as given and actually respond to it. Maybe one of the reasons why we are so bad at listening. So guys the next time you come across any such questions remember…they are to be enjoyed and not taken seriously.